Wednesday, 31 May 2023

dedication to nothing

 

It’s like I dedicate my life to this work but I’m doing good cuz I know that I always have time. Just like everything in my life now. I waste my time and not performing well. I need to improvise myself like every possible way. I always don’t have enough energy and messed up with everything. I mean look at my room. It is disastrous. I mean I have a lot of source now, Alhamdulillah but I stuck. I don’t know what to do, I am not creative at all. Is it all because I have so little energy? I mean like it’s so so lacking. I am demotivated.

speaking of that, many people looking forward to get married and I too have a lover that I love dearly. I want to be with him, living with him, everything together but we are from two different every thing and we’re not typical normal couple. If we decide to be together, there are a lot of things to deal with. This makes me sad ya Allah. If either of us decide to call off this relationship, I will be the one who devastate the most and can’t operate properly. My mental will drain and will decrease my work performance. Ya Allah give me the light Ya Allah. How can us be together. I want to follow him. I cannot afford heartbreak anymore. Please increase his love and attention to me and only me.

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