reviewing , trauma

 I can see now that my main problem is I am weak at reviewing, documenting and taking lessons. It is not good of course. I can learn as much , experiencing so many things but if I am bad at documenting then there is no point. By relying everything on brain, it’s not good enough.

Why is this happening? 

Trauma.

Not blaming 100% to trauma but it is always the memories that hurt the most. I used to rely on memories before. And that hurts so bad. Due to that, I want to be a person who live in the moment. Like literally just live in the moment. In the Brightside, it is good that I am not depressed. However, I feel stupid for forgetting a lot of things. It’s just like I never learn. I don’t have time. 

I work 8.15am to 6.15pm every day, commute time is just about 30 minutes for both ways. In short, I live 10 minutes away from my office, which is such a huge blessing. Forever grateful for that. I want to work harder, I want to do more but my lack of energy and passion always cut me off. I know I’m not at my best suit now, I know I can better but I don’t know how. I am sad with myself. Ya Allah please help me Ya Allah. There are a lot of areas I want to improve myself to Ya Allah. Please help me Ya Allah, but don’t take anything from me. 

It’s like I hate revising. I just loving the idea of living In the moment. Excessively. Maybe its because I am easily distracted then at the end , nothing accomplished.