time loop

 

Love is literally driving me crazy, not sure whether this is love anymore. Is it obsession or the extreme need to control someone. I don’t even know why I’m like this. I literally turning into a monstrous figure of girlfriend. I hate the fact that XY species like to see another XX species even when they have their own XX. I am jealous. Like super jealous. Because I’m not too pretty and I cannot compete any other girls in this world and it’s so saddening. I feel more and more unattractive as days pass by and this is very stressing me out. At times I feel like I’m losing myself.

I miss being myself but I also miss being loved by him like before. The early stage of being in loved, wanted, craved, adore in every possible way, and the butterflies non stop tickling. I miss those feelings when he was excited to see me, missing me every day , every time, sweet gesture every now and then, his attempt to make me happy in every possible way and many more. I remember the day he bought the thank you plastic from kedai runcit, and so excited to show me, he even video called me during work as he was working night shift that time. He said that he wanted to put one thing everyday and leave at his locker for me to take. I miss those times.

I just want to stay in that time loop. Forever.