improvement sucker

 

Blinkist book : Smarter Not Harder by Dave Asprey

Not anything from the book but I need to stop snacking. There’s snack bar in my office and I’ve been there back and forth even when I’m not hungry!

5 qualities

1.       More strength

2.       Greater cardiovascular fitness

3.       Improved energy level and metabolism

4.       Enhanced brain function

5.       Reduced stress and easier recovery

 

Start sauna.

 

‘when you’re no longer triggered by something, you’ll have more energy and freedom. You’ll feel more attuned to the universe. You won’t need technology or data to confirm this – you’ll simple know.”

 

Never be satisfied, always looking for improvement.

banyak kerja

 

Ya Allah, thank you for another day in your land. Verily You only loan all this for us.

I want to be fashionable. Whatever I wear now look so blergh. Maybe because it’s my body, it’s so hard to look good especially in pictures. I’m so sad and my self-esteem went down the hill.

What should I do to improve this? Hmmm this is so saddening. I want to be so pretty in both real and in picture as well.

Maybe from now on I also need to be super careful with what I bought. I mean with what I wear especially. Only good piece allowed and letting go all the bad wardrobe. However all this require money. I want to look good but everything require money and I don’t have much on that. Help me Ya Allah.

First thing first is I need to sorting my stuff first! I’ve been delaying not for days, weeks, months but I’ve been delaying for years! OMG!

 

Today is the day, plus I want to make tiktok video on it as well. For documenting purpose. I’m so bad at it. Regardless what. And also nak kemas kereta! Banyaknya kerjaaa harap2 tak layan perasaan.

for memories sake

 

It’s good when you’re in good mood. Like super good and you feel positive, feel bright and moving on

I literally need to start practice basic tidiness like make my bed every morning, I’ve been struggling with that ever since. Ya Allah, help me to be more organize. Like I have money now but I live in clutter. I want to make more videos and share my journey everywhere I go.

Last weekend, my mom, my brother and I went to kedah. I want to share each detail and maybe make a tiktok video on that. Tiktok is life now. Recording life for memories.

dedication to nothing

 

It’s like I dedicate my life to this work but I’m doing good cuz I know that I always have time. Just like everything in my life now. I waste my time and not performing well. I need to improvise myself like every possible way. I always don’t have enough energy and messed up with everything. I mean look at my room. It is disastrous. I mean I have a lot of source now, Alhamdulillah but I stuck. I don’t know what to do, I am not creative at all. Is it all because I have so little energy? I mean like it’s so so lacking. I am demotivated.

speaking of that, many people looking forward to get married and I too have a lover that I love dearly. I want to be with him, living with him, everything together but we are from two different every thing and we’re not typical normal couple. If we decide to be together, there are a lot of things to deal with. This makes me sad ya Allah. If either of us decide to call off this relationship, I will be the one who devastate the most and can’t operate properly. My mental will drain and will decrease my work performance. Ya Allah give me the light Ya Allah. How can us be together. I want to follow him. I cannot afford heartbreak anymore. Please increase his love and attention to me and only me.

hurts so bad

 

Ya Allah, everyone is getting nearer somewhere. Can see the destination already and I feel like I’m away. Away from everything. Am I doing the right choice? Should I go? But sure it will hurt so much too Ya Allah. Ya Allah, I know that I’ve done a number of bad deeds when I’m with him.

The sparks gone now, when I called him today I can hear him sighing like not happy. Like why she’s calling me type of sigh. Like he’s fed up of me. Like he’s bored of me. Ya Allah what should I do now? We like don’t have direction Ya Allah. It’s always me who try to keep up with this relationship, if I decide to go then he will just let go of me and probably move on with new girls and obsessions the next day. Plus, he also have a lot of coping mechanism like drinking and go to any place. He can replace me immediately. But I have to suffer loneliness again. Am I overthinking? Am I sick? Am I crazy?

Am I worried too much. Because Ya Allah, You know that I’m not strong. I’ve been this phase before and it hurts so bad.

the challenge

 Nowadays, seem like the most basic things also I’m unable to control. This is so sad that I feel like I lost control of my life again and again. The basic things like solat. And I even woke up at 2am but didn’t perform any solat, not the sunat one like tahajjud, I even missed solat isyak. The compulsory one. This is not the first time. I am sad. Because it’s like a force, bad force that stops me. Ya Allah, help me again today. I want to keep striving and trying to be better and better. Please help me Ya Allah. But again I don’t want to lose anything. Ya Allah I’m now in bad situation but you keep shower me with a lot of blessings. Thank you so much Ya Allah.

Yesterday I listened to radio on relationship with other person so that your affairs will be lighten and smooth. Ya allah. Please help me.

By today I need to deep clean my room cuz ain is sleeping in my house this Friday after concert.

Also, wash all clothes especially baju kurung from Jannah Noe that I wore for maksu reception.

Deep clean
- vacuum, rearrange, basuh cadar, lipat all tudung, kemas dalam almari

Wash clothes
- all the clothes behind door and hand wash undies

- Packing for Kedah Trip
- what to wear to concert

6.30pm-7pm : Makan and basuh baju
7pm-7.30pm : relax, mandi and solat as well as recite quran
7.30pm – 8.00pm : tudung side first
8.00pm – 8.30pm : inside wardrobe
8.30pm-8.45pm : solat isyak
8.45pm – 9.15pm : vacuum and makeup section
9.15pm – 9.30pm : jemur baju
9.30pm-10pm : bawa masuk drawer and kemas
10pm- 11pm : watch bunga aku tunggu while mandi during advertisement

 

This is a challenge bobby. You need to do this! 

the apple cider

 

Yesterday my mom said to me that I have been ditching work out for too long. Since Ramadhan, which means almost 3 months. However I proudly claimed that I’m not gaining weight but this morning I weighed myself and I’ve been gaining 1 kg. Ha ha ha. Then I worked out for 5 minutes but it hurts so badly. Maybe I need to start jog again. The timing now also just nice since subuh now is early, around 5.50am. It’s also means that I can start waking up early and performing tahajjud.

Since my mom pointed that out so last night before sleep I drank apple cider juice. Then my sister asked me what the benefits of apple cider are. I don’t know how to answer her. I’ve been autopilot for a long time and not putting and thoughts on my routine.

The benefits of Apple Cider

1. Whitens teeth

2. trigger weight loss

3. Controls blood sugar

4. Treats constipation
5. Conditions the hair
6. Creates radiant skin
7. Gets rid of legs cramp
8. Helps with cough and colds
9. Fights infection
10. Lowers Blood cholesterol
11. Curbs hiccups
12. Increases energy
13. Fades bruises
14. Eases sore throat
15. May reduce bloating and indigestion